Me and Also Me

Me: Hey, remember when I decorated Tom’s office?

Also Me: Duh. It’s me. Vaguely.

Me: I put a wooden bowl on a piece of red satin and Tom put those weird twig-balls in it that I found on clearance at Target. 

Also Me: Where’s my phone? 

Me: Try to focus. Listen. That satin isn’t texturey enough. It needs something rustic, rough, under it, like… twine. It needs a pop of red in it to match the red pieces in the balls. It should be round like the balls and the bowl.

Also Me: **snort** You said, “balls.” **giggles**

Me: Um, yeah. Ok. Clearly, I’m on my own here. Hmmm. Maybe I could crochet a circle with twine! And add red yarn to the twine! Texture AND color! Yeah!

Also Me: Um, wait. You’ve never crocheted in the round. You’ve never mixed two really different fibers. Maybe you should teach yourself to crochet in the round with one strand of plain yarn first? And then make a small square with mixed fibers first?

Me: Weren’t you looking for your phone and giggling when I said, “balls?” Go get a glass of wine.

Also Me: On it.

Me: Puh-lease. Why waste time crocheting a circle with plain yarn? And crocheting a small square with the two fibers? How different could it be? I’m going to teach myself a new thing with two mixed fibers which I’ve never done before! Yeah!

Also Me: Here. You’re going to need this wine.

***Two Days Later***

Me: ZOMG, WTF was I thinking?! This is hard! If I have to rabbit this and start over again one more damn time, HEADS WILL ROLL. And this twine is really rough and I have to keep spinning it because it gets twisty. And I thought this was thick enough to go really quickly and it’s not. And I’m totally bored with this.

Also Me: I feel like I tolja. I’m not completely sure. Because, Me.

Me: Shuddup.

***Three Days Later***

Me: I finally figured it out. My pointer fingers and thumbs feel like someone took a palm sander to them. And since it’s not going as quickly as I thought it would, I’m so bored with it.

Also Me: Where’s my phone? Oh, here. Hey, why don’t you just stop that and go get some softer, finer twine and start over?

Me: START OVER? No! I got this far and I don’t want to start over. I already spent all this time getting this far.

Also Me: That’s dumb. Leave the house. Get the soft twine. Start over using more suitable fiber. Do it better, do it right. It’s not like you have a deadline. **snide stage whisper** You could’ve gotten 200 more shots culled in the time you’ve wasted.

Me: Duh. We don’t leave the house. And, “Do it better, do it right?” That’s just crazy talk. And, the work? Double shuddup.

Also Me: You’re just mad because I’m right.

Me: I said, SHUDDUP. 

Also Me: Where’s my phone?

***Two Days Later***

Me: FINALLY. It’s 11″ diameter. It’s DONE.

Also Me: But your hands are ate up, it took you three times as long because you refused to practice the new things, you’re so sick of that project you’ll probably never do it again, and you shoulda been working. Hey, have you seen my phone?

Me: SHUDDUP, JOY SUCKER. I should bunjee cord that got dam phone to your got dam leg. Screw the phone, where’s that damn wine?!

Also Me: Seriously. Where’s my phone?