I logged back into Facebook.

In case you’re like, “Uh, ok, whatever. Why is this a thing?”

Because I deactivated Facebook the morning after election night. And so did Tom. We both chose a one week fast.

The morning after election night, after over eight years on Facebook, I opened it, assigned trusted friends to the Pages and Groups I’ve created over the years, and I deactivated it for 7 days.

I just knew that I couldn’t handle the status updates, the photos, the crowing; but most of all, the sorrow of the majority of my Facebook “friends.” I could barely handle my own despair; I couldn’t imagine seeing the all the unhappiness that I knew was there.

My sorrow was so raw, so overwhelming, I knew that even commiserating with friends, much less seeing the swagger of friends in the opposite camp,  would endanger my mental health.

Over the last week, I did compensate for the loss of the social platform that I logged into every day, sometimes for hours, over the last eight years. I went to Twitter, where about 99% of the people I follow are in the Hillary camp. I didn’t design it that way; I created my Twitter account a year before my Facebook account. I’ve chosen people based on the content of their Tweets. Very simply, if they were interesting, I followed them. I rediscovered some people, I connected with #thebloggesstribe, I read what the politicians I follow had to say, I clicked through on many news stories that the people I followed had posted. And best of all, Twitter has no algorithms that I know of; if you follow someone, they post, it shows up in your feed, period! Amazing! Shocking!

I used the news apps on my phone for the first time ever. I think I’ll be using them a lot more.

I went to Google+ where there was almost no political content, and +1d a whole lot of awesome pictures from fellow photographers.

I even logged into Ello once.

I wrote here. I’ll probably be writing here a lot more often now. I may even start copying, pasting, and backdating Facebook stuff so I have it here. Here is safer than there. All those memories were the biggest reason I only deactivated and didn’t delete my account. When I opened my Facebook account, the boys were only 9 and 12. I remember on Isaiah’s 13th birthday posting something like, “My baby’s on Facebook. God help me.”

It was a… week. I don’t have the adjectives for that last sentence. Even though I deactivated Facebook, I’ve cried, almost every day. I’ve cried because I’m scared.

I’m scared for anyone who feels unsafe, figuratively and literally. People who have had hate crimes and similar abuses perpetrated on them within the first week after the election just because they’re seen as “other.” Can you imagine how much worse it’s going to get? I can’t. If I do, my barely contained anxiety will go through the roof.

I don’t feel safe.

I feel like until 1/20/17, I’ll slowly have my rug of safety pulled out from under me a centimeter at a time. I feel safe knowing that my President is on the watch, that he’s a good man of integrity and character that puts every  Americans’ interests above his own, even the ones that hate him. Oh, and those that do, they hate him big, they hate him hard. But that doesn’t matter to him. He’s all in, for all of us. He’s even stated that because after his meeting with Trump, and he sees how far in  over the reality TV host’s head he is in, he’s going to spend extra time with him showing him the ropes. He’s going to do this for the man that headed the birther movement against him, that hasn’t done him a single decent deed, shown him a single act of kindness, EVER. President Obama is doing this because he has EVERY Americans’ interest above his own. He’ll have to carve time out of his unbelievably busy schedule, but he’ll do it. He said he would, he will do it. I believe it.

I have to figure out what action steps I can take to feel safe again. I think it starts with finding out who my most local politicians are and how to get involved.

I logged back into Facebook.

But that’s literally all I have done.

I haven’t looked at my feed or anything else there for that matter.

I have to figure out how to stay in the safety zone; the Pages and Groups I’ve created, the Groups I’ve joined for a myriad of different reasons. Buy/sell trade, chickens, mental health, introverts, d/hoh, entrepreneurs, d/hoh entrepreneurs, hustlers, and brain trainers (yeah, that’s a thing. Remind me later to tell you how the Reticular Activating System in your brain is so much more real and based on science than “The Law of Attraction” that some people scoff at).

I have to do business on Facebook. I have to be active for my Business Page to show and answer Messages originating from my Page.

I’ll have to decide how much time I’ll allow myself on Facebook.

I’ll have to decide how much time I’ll spend on Twitter now that I’ve rediscovered it for more than just watching nationally televised events “together.”

Most important, I’ll have to decide how I’ll avoid the crack that is my Facebook feed.

Because I can’t imagine it’ll get any better.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. There’s no getting off this ride.




Like button? Where’s the Done button???

20130719-233551.jpgFacebook has changed so many ways we interact with people; but probably the biggest way it’s changed our interactions is how we end a friendship. I don’t end friendships often. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve went, yeah, we’re done here.

I unfriended someone a couple days ago on Facebook. They didn’t do anything directly to me to draw my ire. But they treated a very good friend of mine poorly. Over the course of years, they systematically poked holes in my friend’s heart; some little punctures, some gaping wounds. An inconsideration here, a lie here, a condescending rebuke there, until my friend was lying on the ground and just kept taking kicks, because circumstances caused her to be trapped there, unable to defend herself. I came across a post in the unfriend’s feed that proved yet again, they had not done the good friend thing to do. And it pissed me off. And it caused Tom to miss a day of work (and family time) unpaid. Which also pissed me off.

Before Facebook, I would’ve thought, yeah, we’re done here, and simply moved on. They never would’ve known I’d lost respect for them. Hell, as far as I know, they might not give a shit if I respect them or not. Who knows?

Buuuttttt we live After Facebook, so I made it “Facebook Official;” I unfriended them.

I could’ve simply ignored it. I could’ve simply put them on “Hide.” I’m not sure why I did it. A flash of anger, the thought, yeah, we’re done here, and with a couple clicks, an official unfriending. I didn’t think, *gasp* youuuuuu biiiiiitch. I didn’t think, oh yeah?! Eff you! Take that!

I. Was. Just. Done.

I felt a flash of sadness, then nothing. Next item on the day’s agenda.

Then today, the unfriend texted, “Why did you unfriend me?” It earned a *blink blinkblink* and I answered as clearly and succinctly as I could. Done. Moved on. Had we meant more to each other, perhaps more dialogue could’ve worked out the kinks. But I guess it wasn’t important enough to either of us. (If you say, it is what it is, I may have to punch you in the throat a little bit. I hate that phrase.)

What bothers me most about this, though, is that it reminded me of a couple years ago when a person I thought I was very good friends with unfriended me. I, like the recent unfriend, texted to ask, “Why?” Only difference is, I added, “What happened? What did I do? If I offended you, at least tell me so I may offer amends.” I never got an answer. I was totally ignored. I hear you, their loss, Dory. But it hurt. It hurt badly. For days.

I guess it comes down to, at least I answered. I don’t want anyone to hurt the way I hurt when I was ignored.

I hope if the unfriend and my paths cross, that we will both be civil. I plan on it anyway.

If I had it to do over, I’d’ve told the unfriend what I thought. But it might have made things even harder on the friend of the unfriend.

Maybe before Facebook, I might have. But I think with my anxiety issues, I would’nt’ve been able to talk to the unfriend about it anyway. Anxiety and confrontation don’t go really well together. It’s kind of hard to talk when you’re hyperventilating and trying not to pass out.

I miss B.F. Before Facebook. And to think there’s a whole generation of kids who don’t know what that’s like. Kah-razy.

What’s my point? I don’t really know. I just needed to get this to stop the spin cycle in my brain.

I don’t want to cause anyone to hurt. I want to be a good friend, and I want to do the right thing. No exceptions.

That’s not entirely true; I’ve definitely had my moments that an ice cold revenge would’ve been tastier than an ice cold beer. But for the most part, I don’t want to cause anyone pain.

So I guess now I just move on and let Karma take over. *shrugs*

We’ll just have to see who’s nursing the bloody butt stitches.

Only time will tell, because Karma don’t talk; She strikes.

Maybe I need to break up with social media. At least attempt a trial separation.

I miss writing here.

I know this is NOT a new idea, but I think social media killed my blogging bug. First, there was Twitter. Then Facebook. Then Google+. I went through phases; I adopted Twitter, I tweeted lots, I blogged less. I adopted Facebook, I facebooked lots, I tweeted less, I blogged even less. Then a year ago I adopted Google+ and I’ve been seesawing back and forth between Facebook and G+. And I hardly ever blog at all anymore.

My time on Facebook brings me less and less value every day. I’ve been fortunate to reconnect with some people and I’m thankful for that. But I’m finding that my feed is almost nothing except a stream of pictures with sayings on them, political bullshit that pisses me off, and minutia that I never wanted or needed.

I still get much value from time I spend on G+. The interaction there is richer. I’ve learned so much from other photographers who are freely sharing their knowledge.

Pinterest is fun, but it’s just a corkboard, really. No interaction whatsoever. But its value to me is to pin things that grab me in the hopes that I’ll be able to access that information later when I need it.

How about you? How is social media affecting your blogging or personal life?