Me and Also Me

Me: Hey, remember when I decorated Tom’s office?

Also Me: Duh. It’s me. Vaguely.

Me: I put a wooden bowl on a piece of red satin and Tom put those weird twig-balls in it that I found on clearance at Target. 

Also Me: Where’s my phone? 

Me: Try to focus. Listen. That satin isn’t texturey enough. It needs something rustic, rough, under it, like… twine. It needs a pop of red in it to match the red pieces in the balls. It should be round like the balls and the bowl.

Also Me: **snort** You said, “balls.” **giggles**

Me: Um, yeah. Ok. Clearly, I’m on my own here. Hmmm. Maybe I could crochet a circle with twine! And add red yarn to the twine! Texture AND color! Yeah!

Also Me: Um, wait. You’ve never crocheted in the round. You’ve never mixed two really different fibers. Maybe you should teach yourself to crochet in the round with one strand of plain yarn first? And then make a small square with mixed fibers first?

Me: Weren’t you looking for your phone and giggling when I said, “balls?” Go get a glass of wine.

Also Me: On it.

Me: Puh-lease. Why waste time crocheting a circle with plain yarn? And crocheting a small square with the two fibers? How different could it be? I’m going to teach myself a new thing with two mixed fibers which I’ve never done before! Yeah!

Also Me: Here. You’re going to need this wine.

***Two Days Later***

Me: ZOMG, WTF was I thinking?! This is hard! If I have to rabbit this and start over again one more damn time, HEADS WILL ROLL. And this twine is really rough and I have to keep spinning it because it gets twisty. And I thought this was thick enough to go really quickly and it’s not. And I’m totally bored with this.

Also Me: I feel like I tolja. I’m not completely sure. Because, Me.

Me: Shuddup.

***Three Days Later***

Me: I finally figured it out. My pointer fingers and thumbs feel like someone took a palm sander to them. And since it’s not going as quickly as I thought it would, I’m so bored with it.

Also Me: Where’s my phone? Oh, here. Hey, why don’t you just stop that and go get some softer, finer twine and start over?

Me: START OVER? No! I got this far and I don’t want to start over. I already spent all this time getting this far.

Also Me: That’s dumb. Leave the house. Get the soft twine. Start over using more suitable fiber. Do it better, do it right. It’s not like you have a deadline. **snide stage whisper** You could’ve gotten 200 more shots culled in the time you’ve wasted.

Me: Duh. We don’t leave the house. And, “Do it better, do it right?” That’s just crazy talk. And, the work? Double shuddup.

Also Me: You’re just mad because I’m right.

Me: I said, SHUDDUP. 

Also Me: Where’s my phone?

***Two Days Later***

Me: FINALLY. It’s 11″ diameter. It’s DONE.

Also Me: But your hands are ate up, it took you three times as long because you refused to practice the new things, you’re so sick of that project you’ll probably never do it again, and you shoulda been working. Hey, have you seen my phone?

Me: SHUDDUP, JOY SUCKER. I should bunjee cord that got dam phone to your got dam leg. Screw the phone, where’s that damn wine?!

Also Me: Seriously. Where’s my phone?

Lookit!!! Lookit!!! It’s here a day early!!!

Thank you, Jennifer Lawson! 

(Beeteedubs, if you haven’t gotten to know Jenny Lawson, GET TO KNOW HER!

Not for the early delivery because you didn’t have anything to do with that…? that I know of… ? or did you? ? Maybe you’re just THAT hawsum!!! 

Thank you for writing for us. The misfits, the outcasts (usually by our own making), the shamed souls with the shade of mental illness, and the people who love us, every day, just the way we are. 

 :’o)  (there’s no emoji for a smiley face with one tear. someone get on that. stat.)

I logged back into Facebook.

In case you’re like, “Uh, ok, whatever. Why is this a thing?”

Because I deactivated Facebook the morning after election night. And so did Tom. We both chose a one week fast.

The morning after election night, after over eight years on Facebook, I opened it, assigned trusted friends to the Pages and Groups I’ve created over the years, and I deactivated it for 7 days.

I just knew that I couldn’t handle the status updates, the photos, the crowing; but most of all, the sorrow of the majority of my Facebook “friends.” I could barely handle my own despair; I couldn’t imagine seeing the all the unhappiness that I knew was there.

My sorrow was so raw, so overwhelming, I knew that even commiserating with friends, much less seeing the swagger of friends in the opposite camp,  would endanger my mental health.

Over the last week, I did compensate for the loss of the social platform that I logged into every day, sometimes for hours, over the last eight years. I went to Twitter, where about 99% of the people I follow are in the Hillary camp. I didn’t design it that way; I created my Twitter account a year before my Facebook account. I’ve chosen people based on the content of their Tweets. Very simply, if they were interesting, I followed them. I rediscovered some people, I connected with #thebloggesstribe, I read what the politicians I follow had to say, I clicked through on many news stories that the people I followed had posted. And best of all, Twitter has no algorithms that I know of; if you follow someone, they post, it shows up in your feed, period! Amazing! Shocking!

I used the news apps on my phone for the first time ever. I think I’ll be using them a lot more.

I went to Google+ where there was almost no political content, and +1d a whole lot of awesome pictures from fellow photographers.

I even logged into Ello once.

I wrote here. I’ll probably be writing here a lot more often now. I may even start copying, pasting, and backdating Facebook stuff so I have it here. Here is safer than there. All those memories were the biggest reason I only deactivated and didn’t delete my account. When I opened my Facebook account, the boys were only 9 and 12. I remember on Isaiah’s 13th birthday posting something like, “My baby’s on Facebook. God help me.”

It was a… week. I don’t have the adjectives for that last sentence. Even though I deactivated Facebook, I’ve cried, almost every day. I’ve cried because I’m scared.

I’m scared for anyone who feels unsafe, figuratively and literally. People who have had hate crimes and similar abuses perpetrated on them within the first week after the election just because they’re seen as “other.” Can you imagine how much worse it’s going to get? I can’t. If I do, my barely contained anxiety will go through the roof.

I don’t feel safe.

I feel like until 1/20/17, I’ll slowly have my rug of safety pulled out from under me a centimeter at a time. I feel safe knowing that my President is on the watch, that he’s a good man of integrity and character that puts every  Americans’ interests above his own, even the ones that hate him. Oh, and those that do, they hate him big, they hate him hard. But that doesn’t matter to him. He’s all in, for all of us. He’s even stated that because after his meeting with Trump, and he sees how far in  over the reality TV host’s head he is in, he’s going to spend extra time with him showing him the ropes. He’s going to do this for the man that headed the birther movement against him, that hasn’t done him a single decent deed, shown him a single act of kindness, EVER. President Obama is doing this because he has EVERY Americans’ interest above his own. He’ll have to carve time out of his unbelievably busy schedule, but he’ll do it. He said he would, he will do it. I believe it.

I have to figure out what action steps I can take to feel safe again. I think it starts with finding out who my most local politicians are and how to get involved.

I logged back into Facebook.

But that’s literally all I have done.

I haven’t looked at my feed or anything else there for that matter.

I have to figure out how to stay in the safety zone; the Pages and Groups I’ve created, the Groups I’ve joined for a myriad of different reasons. Buy/sell trade, chickens, mental health, introverts, d/hoh, entrepreneurs, d/hoh entrepreneurs, hustlers, and brain trainers (yeah, that’s a thing. Remind me later to tell you how the Reticular Activating System in your brain is so much more real and based on science than “The Law of Attraction” that some people scoff at).

I have to do business on Facebook. I have to be active for my Business Page to show and answer Messages originating from my Page.

I’ll have to decide how much time I’ll allow myself on Facebook.

I’ll have to decide how much time I’ll spend on Twitter now that I’ve rediscovered it for more than just watching nationally televised events “together.”

Most important, I’ll have to decide how I’ll avoid the crack that is my Facebook feed.

Because I can’t imagine it’ll get any better.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. There’s no getting off this ride.