Where do you send the fire truck if Teh Innernets go up in flames?

Well, my people, when I last left you, I was rocking the PMS as only I can. I then ran out of Strattera.

Now, allow me to explain that one of the delightful side effects of Strattera is loss of appetite.

To the estrogen laden population of my readers, and the testosterone-y ones who have estrogen-laden significant others, I don’t need to explain this next revelation. But just in case there’s one or two readers who I dunno, possibly live in a frat house on a men-only campus on another fooking planet, I will state the obvious. One of the equally delightful side effects of PMS, is increase in appetite.

Yanno, it’s a damn shame that none of you lovelies ever came to visit me here in wonderful Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Because it’s gone now.

PMS + No Strattera = I ATE CEDAR RAPIDS.

Oh, and, AND, I was so sick of my blog and trying to make heads or tails of CSS, had I had any cash, I would have paid some unsuspecting programmer damn good money to write some very cunning CSS that would spontaneously combust My Blog and also all of Teh Innernets Tubes.

But a week (ish!) later, I present to you the bright, ditzy, happy, scattered, perky, (tah-DAH!) DORY that you’ve come to know and love. And of course, a corrospondingly bright, ditzy, happy, scattered, perky, (tah-DAH!) POST.

What I did on my blogcation, by Dory Mae Blue-Tang

  • As previously mentioned, devoured the thriving metropolis that is Cedar Rapids, Iowa. And then ordered dessert. Ok, desserts. Ok, ok, desserts and more appetizers.
  • Attempted to put a dent in my unread items in Google Reader, but mainly just did damage control.
  • Even left a respectable amount of commenty love. Bonus plan, baby.
  • Reveled in the incoming verbal cocaine commenty love from you, my lovelies, my people.
  • Folded approximately threeventy-bijiggijillion loads of laundry.
  • Revived Hunky from a dead faint upon his recognition of this momentous occasion.
  • Cheated, and played with the blog just a tad.
  • Hated myself a little bit, and briefly considered surrendering my WordPress username and password to Kizz.
  • Woke the fook up and realized it would just make her drunk with power and I’d never regain possession.
  • Actually enforced the boys’ chore list by saying, “Are your chores done?” every time they asked to do something fun.
  • Got a tiny, delicious little thrill by their outrage every single damn time.
  • Went on an immensely enjoyable ALL DAY motorcycle ride. Look, it’s me!
  • Showed remarkable restraint; narrowly avoided eating Prairie Du Chien, Wisconsin by sneaking parts of Cedar Rapids in the saddlebags for snacking.
  • Wrote several stellar blog posts in my head.
  • Didn’t write them down. They’re gone. For EVAH.
  • Watched Napoleon Dynamite. Good thing my brother gave me this disclaimer prior: “It’s really, really, stupid and has no plot whatsoever. But if you can get beyond that, it’s hilarious.”  He was right.
  • Farted around waaaay more than I should have on Teh Innernets Tubes. Conducted diligent job search.
  • Wasted, oh, a lifetime figuring out Facebook.
  • Found an ex on there. No, not that one. That one.
  • Sent the boys back to school.
  • Came home and did a couple tequila shooters in celebration.
  • Not really. I find it kind of creepy to lickitslamitsuckit at 8:15am. But, you get the gist of my happiness level of having my house back in relative peace and quiet for a few hours every day.
  • Considered quitting smoking.
  • BWAAAHAHAHAHahahahahahaha… wouldn’t it be trippy if I was really like that?! *wiping tears of laughter away*
  • Watched the DNC.
  • Important Announcement: Here’s your favorite born and raised Republican actually entertaining the notion of voting Democrat.
  • Daddy, please don’t disown me. Please. You’re looking especially dapper today.
  • Now I’m going to watch the RNC. And honestly give those candidates a chance. I’m pretty sure. We’ll see.
  • Finished a project I started SIX YEARS AGO. I’m SO proud!
  • Yes, I know. That shelf is crooked and the plywood doesn’t cover the whole back. Shuddup. It’s in my basement.
  • Updated the OS on Hunky’s PPC to Windows Mobile 6.1. Which is a lot trickier than it sounds when you’re doing it via Virtual PC on a Mac.
  • Managed not to kill any innocent bystanders in the process.
  • That brings us to now, when I’ve been working on this post on and off for 4 hours while also twittering and facebooking and blogreading and other really productive uses of my online time.

Of course you’re all waiting with bated breath to hear who is getting the coveted $20 Starbucks card. Well, you’ll just have to wait a minute.

I just want to thank you so much for all of the comments and even some lovely casa-warming gifts. It was a hell of a party down there in the comments. It really means so much to me that you’d take a minute out of your blogging time to leave me some commenty goodness. I really appreciate it, you guys.

Ok, ok, I’m done with the mushy bullshit. Without further ado…

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Maggie, email me your address and I’ll have your free caffeine hook-up on its merry way!

Next on the To Do or Die List: respond to emails. Then: Play with theme– I want the sidebar headers green, the post titles orange, and the Top Commentator List is all janky. The line-height is too big. But I’m a little scared to get into and start changing code. I might break my blog, or blow up Teh Innernets, or order 27 pizzas, or re-activate that speeding ticket in Michigan, or choose a running mate with less experience than my opponent after slamming my opponent on national TV for not having enough experience. Oh, wait, I don’t have to worry about that because it’s already been done. D’oh! Did I type that out loud?!

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. I’ve been great. Don’t forget to tip your waitstaff.

3 thoughts on “Where do you send the fire truck if Teh Innernets go up in flames?

  1. Ok, ok so im late commenting. sowwy, please forgive me!?! I can tell ya that you were eating everything in site. You should have told them what you ate all in one day but u probly don’t member. lol. It was really nasty anyway. don’t want peeps puking in your new place and all. Oh and i don’t want your all mighty power of this blog……it drove me crazy enough helping you with codes. *runs away and glues in some hair pulled out from doing codes with dory* During your vacation you also helped drink enough beer to fill a kids size swimming pool. hahaha! Course that was part of the celebration our kids went back to school!

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