Today’s Special: Blog Stew

In a desperate attempt to avoid a bullet post, I’m serving up another tasty pot of Blog Stew. Now with zero trans fats, barely repressed rage, and a thong shot!

I switched hosting companies from GxDxxxxy (oh, those rat bastards don’t even get a link) to bluehost for my online portfolio. While I was at it, I registered! Now I can pretend I can blog like the big girls! I still have to set up shop at wordpress before I can move into my new “house” so it could be a week or two. It seems like the themes there are more restrictive in regard to color choices, header size, blah blah blah. I’m an a la carte kinda gal; I order everything on the side so I can put it together the “right” way. I don’t like combo meals or a big “No Substitutions” sign.

A couple other companies get my vote for Frickin’ Rat Bastards Who Suck Ass, and that would be at&t and Apple. at&t because they LIE. Last year when I got my ppc, the sales guy said after one year I would be eligible for phone upgrade and I could get an iPhone for the cheapest price. We went in Tuesday and they said no, it’s TWO years. No exceptions, especially for the iPhone. When I pitched a bitch, he then said that because we’ve been paying for pda plans for the last year, we could become eligible early. Like anywhere from 7 to 10 months early. But he couldn’t give me an exact date. That’s screwed up. Give me BLACK or WHITE or ONE CALENDAR MONTH or EXACTLY or MONTH/DAY/YEAR HOUR:MIN TIME ZONE. Take your “It could happen tomorrow, or in three months or four months, we don’t know the exact date” and shove it up your ass.

But the important thing is, I’m not bitter. *scoffy snort out the nose*

Oh, and Apple, because they make such a sexy damn phone that I covet with all of my being. Today they Suck Ass, but probably tomorrow I will come crawling back to them, ugly-crying, apologizing even though it’s not my fault, and wiping snot on my shirt.

So in other news, I’m reading The Chronicles of Narnia for the first time. Somehow, I was neither forced to read this classic set nor had anyone recommend it to me, which is odd, because I had all the requisite Judy Blume and Laura Ingalls Wilder books read by the time I hit 4th grade and was begging anyone who would listen for more reading recommendations. When left to my own devices, I didn’t make very good literary choices. The beginning of sixth grade I made the egregious error of deciding I could handle Stephen King’s It, and my brain curled up in my closet in the fetal position and sobbed pitifully over the loss of innocence, horribly scarred for life. The Chronicles of Narnia has picked up my brain, tutted softly, and given it hot cocoa with whipped cream. Book one had one of the best lines I’ve ever read:

The trouble with trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.

–C.S. Lewis, The Magician’s Nephew

Does anybody else want to take Twitter out behind the barn and beat it about the head and shoulders with a 2×4, and then stick the splintered, bloody weapon up its ass?

Oh, and fellow bloggers, please stop it with the BlogHer recaps, already. Too… much… new… good… writing… *burps* Can’t… click… another… blog. My already burgeoning google reader subscription list bent over and split its back seam, revealing shamefully tattered knickers. It was horribly embarrassing.

There’s still a few days to submit your entry to caption Smoky’s picture! C’mon, you know you wanna!

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Don’t forget your complimentary packet of Tums on your way out.

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