It was like the Deaf leading the Deaf.

This lovely, glorious week is BOYLESS. It’s spring break, and the boys went out to Gramma’s (God bless her heart). Most Hawsum.

Hunky took Monday evening off to go out to dinner with me to our favorite steak place. Would you believe that I spent an entire dinner NOT cutting someone’s food, NOT getting up to fetch something, NOT raising my voice even once (actually, we signed the entire time), NOT leaving the table in complete and utter disgust, and (bonus plan, baby!) NOT ONCE did I have to utter any of the following oft-repeated phrases:

“Would you stop that!”

“Don’t fill up on milk. You’re not getting any more until your [insert vegetable here] is gone.”

“Oh, for the love, quit teasing your brother!”

“Don’t worry about the dog. Worry about you.”

“Don’t you dare chew until it’s so gross you throw up. I WILL just get you more.”

“Well, if you would ignore him, he would give up and quit teasing!”

“You took that much, you finish it.”

“That is disgusting! Knock it off!”

“Because I’m the mom. When you’re paying your own mortgage payment, you can make the rules.”

“What the… get up off the floor!”

“That was NOT the cat. Why can’t you go in the bathroom and do that?!”

It was heavenly.

After that, we were on our way over to WalMart to pick up a couple things, and I told Hunky I had to pick up some paint samples to take home and compare to the tub/sink and then bring back to pick out a new bathroom set that doesn’t clash. You’re all quite intelligent; I trust you can see where this is going.

Exhibit B in the whole “Tom’s a chick” trial.

Dory: So don’t let me forget.
Hunky: I’ll try.
Dory: I wonder what they were thinking when they picked that color out. It’s such a weird, gross mauve.
Hunky: [matter-of-factly] It’s really more of a coral than a mauve.
Dory: *looks at Hunky* *blink* *blink blink*
Hunky: I am just a big girl, huh?
Dory: *nods slowly and solumnly*

I swear I did not make that up. If I’m lyin’, I’m dyin’.

Last night, I went to deaf club dinner without having to worry about what to make the boys for supper and if the house would be standing when I got back. Then I went to a hockey game without refereeing my own fights up in the bleachers.

Tonight, I plan on doing absolutely as little as possible. Household chores can wait… I have a quiet evening ahead of me. There will be a wonderful glass of merlot and a book and/or a movie blissfully sans interruptions. Tomorrow night, we’re taking the boys back for a short time to take them to see Thousand Foot Krutch. Friday I’m going to go visit my new niece and then go to a CMA meeting. Saturday is an all-day activity for CMA. While I would prefer to have the entire day to myself, at least I don’t have to take the boys to the kids’ room and worry about who they’re going to emotionally scar forcibly apologize to for leaving dents where they’ve ricocheted off the walls.

Yesterday my manager came up to me, tapped me on the shoulder, and said, “Can you come over here with me?”

That was exactly what I was asked before I got laid off a few years ago. I instantly got wet pits and started hyperventilating. Then I remembered that the temp agency would just find me something else less like watching a video of How To Watch Paint Dry.

“I’m really sorry to bother you with this, but I need to have a quick meeting and we can’t find our interpreter. I hate to ask you to do this, but would you interpret for Elle?”

Elle is a friend I met in Deaf club. She works in the next department over. She’s full Deaf, and a really great ASL teacher to boot.

“I’ll sure try.”

So I stood right next to my manager, speechreading and interpreting simultaneously. Now, I’m kind of slow, but my vocab’s not too shabby. But at one point my manager said, “And we had a bunch of people call in sick; Jane, Mary, Tom, Dick, Harry, Ethel, Fred, Bertha…” (No, I don’t work at a nursing home – I just had to make up names.) I turned to Elle and signed – MANY PEOPLE CALL SICK – MANY MANY NOT SHOW-UP. My finger-spelling skills suck too much to even attempt to keep up with a long list of names. She knew. She just smiled.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Friends don’t let friends drink and ride the EAC.

4 thoughts on “It was like the Deaf leading the Deaf.

  1. OH yes, I can surely relate to how devine it must have been to have dinner without kids!!!!! I have got my ‘mothering at dinnertime’ down to a fine art…. all I ever say now is “shut up and eat it” !
    It covers most things.

  2. Ya know there is a REASON i have switched from callin him “Pimp Tom” to Pretty Boy”!!! And that is just the more reason to! LOL

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