*puts a big pot of Blog Stew on the table and dishes it out unceremoniously*
On the way to church Sunday:
Me: “…and you both are very, very smart boys. And if you’re this smart now, just think how brilliant you’ll be when you grow up! I just hope you use it for good stuff.”
Dino: [incredulous voice] “Is Rocky going to be an evil genius?!“
Sunday the temperatures rose to almost 50°. Yesterday, the city practically shut down due to blizzard warnings. It was about a pazillion below zero and Hunky’s shelter had a full house plus people crashed on the couch. And my sinuses feel like they have wet cement sludging through them. God bless Iowa.
*sneers and flips off winter*
For some dumb reason, we had the TV on in the office tonight for background noise. Have you watched that show Moment of Truth? There’s an hour completely wasted that I’ll never get back. Day-um, that was stupid. I can’t even come up with the witty, massive amounts of hyperbole that would express the level of stupid that this program attains.
“Do you think your mother is overweight?”
“Are you planning on being a virgin on your wedding night?”
“Do you think your sister is prettier than you?”
“Yay!!! You win!!! Here’s $25,000!!!”
Approximately 23 minutes of the actual 44 minutes is spent in building fake suspense as we’re all supposed to be on the edge of our seats and gnawing our fingernails to the bone for a mechanical voice to announce “That. Answer. is. [insert pause that is 27 years, 11 months, and 3 days long] True.” Puh-leeeeese.
*gets up from the table*
If you’ll kindly excuse me, I’m going to go rent an industrial strength pressure washer and insert it in one nostril and turn it up to “Oh. My. God.” Maybe then my sinuses will clear and stop torturing me.
Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Last one out, lock up for me.