Key Found to Mysterious Disturbance in Downtown Cedar Rapids

By Roxanne Simpson
The Gazette

CEDAR RAPIDS – Terrified Cedar Rapidians may soon have some answers regarding the Fire Fiasco that hit the town last week. After the mysterious disturbance in downtown Cedar Rapids, in the process of cleaning up the debris, investigators found a melted metal tag that may indeed be the key to the identity of the suspect. The metal, partially curled by intense heat thought to be caused by the strange fire, had an engraving that reads “If found, go to” and what seemed to be some sort of serial number. The CSI division of the Cedar Rapids Police Department, after hours of intense investigation, were able to crack this code. Clues led them to a home on the SE side.

The home owners at that address were not immediately available for questioning. A person claiming to be taking care of the house in their absence told investigators, “You go to hell. You go to hell and you die. Thanks.” Neighbors report that Detectives took her down with a taser and kneeled on her neck. With no small amount of trouble, they wrangled her into the back seat of the squad car and took her in for interrogation. Witnesses report she screamed obscenities so vile they would rival a trailer trash lover’s quarrel called on a Domestic Disturbance situation with a “Cops” video crew in attendance.

One law enforcement official was sent to Mercy Emergency with an ear bleed. The remaining fellow officers huddled together and snickered. One commenting hospital official reported, “He’s in stable condition. We see this pretty often in rookie officers with Virgin Ear Syndrome. He’ll hear funny for a couple days, but we’re confident he’ll pull through just fine.”

The Cedar Rapids law enforcement officials want to encourage the community to remain calm as the investigation progresses. Be assured that police are very close to bringing a suspect. Authorities expect to have more information once the alleged housesitter is sedated and questioned.

3 thoughts on “Key Found to Mysterious Disturbance in Downtown Cedar Rapids

  1. LMAO, and i would tear them a new one again if i had to! Stupid cop got in my face, so what else was i sposed to do?? They tried washing my mouth out too, but it didn’t work. I still have a potty mouth. LOL. By the way i am still getting a tingling feeling from time to time from the taser!

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