I wonder if I’ll qualify for hazardous duty pay?

I may have finished something for a change! Oh, get up off the floor with your fake fainting ass; you’re really not that funny.

My resume looks super-dee-duper. Oh, just then, I typed a word I have never before typed in my whole life. All-righty-roo. There I go again.

Only 8 more working days as Dead Woman Walking. I fear I might have made a humongargantuoism mistake today. I needed to order envelopes and paper for my resume packet (yes, it’s a packet, I’ll elaborate later) and used that old “My friend needs to know if we can get this kind of paper and how much I’ll… I mean she’ll… have to pay for it, can you find out for me?”
Of course, she looked at me like, “Seriously? Not buying it.”
So I figured rather than have her go around to everybody immediately and wake up Rumors and Office Politics (I put some roofies in their stupid frilly frou-frou fancy-shmancy fruity umbrella drinks and they were out cold in the storage closet for over 48 hours) and get THEM going again, I would do some damage control and I told her ok, she needed to keep it in confidence, but that I had somewhat of a situation going on here at work that I would appreciate if she could keep on the DL. So instead of going immediately around with a megaphone and a taser (for anyone who is not paying her their complete and undivided attention), it might be delayed by about, roughly, 27 seconds. But she did get the calls made to get the envelopes and maybe even for FREE. And it only cost me what little dignity I had left. What a bargain. Dammit, she told you already, didn’t she?! Man, she’s quick.

Ohhhhh, what else is going on in my silly little ADD addled brain? Ah, yes, I did promise to elaborate upon the resume packet.
When a graphic designer is pounding the pavement for a job (and their head on the wall), it’s not enough to send a resume. Ohhhhh, nooooo; there’s the resume and the cover letter and a business card and the cd with examples of your best work and the thank-you postcard for after the interview and if you’re REALLY an over-achiever, a small booklet of examples of your work to leave with the interviewer, and a kick-ass logo to tie the whole damn thing together. Resume? Check. Cover letter? Check. Business card? Check. Kick-ass logo to tie it all together? Check. CD? In progress. Booklet and post card? Non-existent. I’ll see what I can do about showing you the resume later after I black out all identifying information with a sharpie. After all, I have my stalkers to worry about. Oh, and also when The Bossman decides it’s time to share my impending unemployment status with my co-workers, I’m prepared for the inevitable question – “So what are you going to do?”
I’m totally ready.
I’m going to be an undercover graphic design agent for the FBI. Top that.

In our next episode, Dory introduces a cast of characters that star in what could possibly qualify for her life.

Rip it, roll it, and punch it, dude. Peace.