Same ol’, same ol’…

I’m pretty sure that my ASL teacher is trying to see how much vocab he can possible cram in before our heads explode or the end of the semester, whichever comes first. Between last Wednesday’s class and today’s class, at least 50 words and all of them are potential quiz material for Wednesday. *whew*
The lady at church that does sign language interpreting is a complete crankmeister. Why is this so irritating for me? Who knows. She knows I’m taking ASL right now but doesn’t know I’m HoH. Don’t know if either of these factors into her attitude problem. Don’t care. For whatever reason, whenever I talk to her, she has this vibe emanating off of her that is just this thick sticky green stench of Eau de I’ReallyWouldRatherYouJustGoAway. *shrugs*
I imagine that some people in my life are wondering why now am I embracing the whole Deaf culture and ASL thing. Why not? I’ve lived my whole life feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere and trying to fake being Hearing. I’m tired of it. All my life I’ve avoided telling people that I am HoH until I really have to. My husband didn’t even know the first three months I knew him. I’ve held down jobs for YEARS before telling co-workers. At my current job, it was the first time I told a boss straight up within the first week. It still took me a couple weeks to tell the people I worked directly with every day, and some of my co-workers didn’t know until just a couple months ago. Why have I felt ashamed of it and tried so hard to make it easy on everyone else but me? The people pleaser in me, I suppose, needs to make sure that everyone’s happy and that I don’t make anyone uncomfortable or impose on anyone in any way. I feel my identity shifting and I’m recognizing that being HoH is just another facet of what makes me “me”. I’m feeling some growing pains, but I guess that’s normal. I just wish I had done it a long time ago. Almost everyone I come across in church circles, as soon as they find out, they say they’ll pray for my healing. Um, well, OK, but it’s not like cancer or multiple sclerosis. I’ve also been told that I’m accepting sickness from Satan. Actually, I think God made me this way for a reason. I just haven’t figured it out yet. And I may never. I’m OK with that. If God decides to heal me, great; if not, oh well. I’m more comfortable NOT wearing my HA. I don’t know anyone who’s blind; I wonder if blind people have Blind culture and how many feel their blindness is just part of their identity.
I got flowers from my sissy at work today! *waves frantically at trienne* Thank you! It made my day!

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