One year ago today I got laid off from McLeodUSA. *taking mental inventory of where I’m at*

I wish I had an extra few hours a day. I feel like I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Tom and I sat out on the deck for a couple hours Wednesday night and just talked. We made a big ole fire and burned some naughty pictures of me and a naughty tape of us. I also burned a little momento of last summer’s fling. I feel better that that stuff is gone.

I had a 5:00pm appt with Paul on Friday and I completely spaced it off. That’s Dory for ya. We had a marriage counseling appt on Friday morning. I think that’s why I spaced my appt with Paul off. Tom just told me Thursday night that we had a Friday morning appt with Duh.

I was so depressed Saturday and I have no idea why. I didn’t even get in the shower. I wore a t-shirt and sweats all day long. I hate depression. I never know when it’s going to hit me. And if you’ve never been clinically depressed, you just don’t know what that feels like. You don’t just “snap out of it”. Sunday was better, I went to church, then Mom and Dad took the kids, and Tom and I went shooting. I shot an AR15, a .45, a 9 mil, and a .22. At one point, Tom asked me if I wanted to shoot the .45 again and I said “no, thanks”. Then he started with “bawk bawk bawk baaaaawwwwwkkkk” and I just said, “Dude. Seriously. I have a GUN in my HAND.” And Tom, Gregg, Trevor, and Kizzle just fell apart laughing. Kizzle was still snickering about it today on break.

It’s so weird. It’s amazing what a difference a year makes. One year ago today, I was laid off from McLeodUSA, wondering what in the hell I was going to do with a new house, a new car, and no damn job. I didn’t like Tom that much about then; I had already told him that I was going to divorce him. One year later, and it’s like we’re on our honeymoon. We’re so mushy gushy, we make ourselves sick. *chuckling* And oh my gosh – the sex is fantastic! *LOL* Sorry if I grossed anyone out there! But seriously, our marriage is so much better than I ever thought it could be. *shakes head* Huh. I just love him so much, and I miss him even when we’re just apart for the day. He’s so good to me. I’m a very blessed woman. He’s such a good man.

We had a meeting with Dino’s teacher yesterday. She has some concerns about his language development. I saw that coming. We’ve been struggling with him answering “Wh” questions (who, what, when, where, why, how, etc) inappropriately. Example: Me – “Where is the cat?” Dino – “The cat is just happy”. *shakes head vigorously* Huh?! But again, I knew this was coming. We first noticed that when he was just three years old. We were trying to teach him to answer “How are you?” and “Who are you?” and “How old are you?” and he just didn’t get it. I would say, “Who are you” and he’d say “fine” and I’d say “how are you” and he’d say “I’m Dino”. Then at one point he kept answering either question with a quick “I’m Dino and I’m fine.” Little boogerhead. They are bringing in a speech and language specialist and he’s also in a group that gets extra help with fine motor skills. I really like his teacher a lot. She was very detailed about what she was worried about and about eight things that she had already tried to be able to get through to him, but he just isn’t processing language correctly. Probably because I’m a horrible mother and I didn’t spend as much time with my second child as I did my first. Yell at me all you want, I feel I’m at fault. If only, shoulda, coulda, woulda, then move on. But I do get so amazingly frustrated with him. I feels like we’re speaking two different languages. But on the up side, he is definItely NOT dumb; he’s VERY smart. He’s adorable, and loving, and very charming.

I’m so busy at school. I have a project due at 9:50 and I’m really gonna be pushing it to get it finished in time. Also, remember my final project for Page Layout 1 this summer was that logo and brochure for Main Lutheran Church? And they picked MINE? They asked me to do a whole set of stuff for them based on the logo I made. Like, stationery, envelopes, letterhead, prayer request cards, offering plate cards, newsletter, note cards, etc. I don’t get paid, but it’s good practice and I’ll be able to put it in my portfolio.

I do want to update more often, but I’ve been promising myself that I wouldn’t even get on livejournal unless my assignments were done. But here I am, and my assignments aren’t finished yet. *attempts to look duly chastised* *fails horrendously* *waves frantically and dashes off to finish schoolwork*

Current Music: clickity clackity of keyboards in the little mac lab
Current Mood: grateful