Change starts with me

I made a decision last night and I already feel 1000% better. I sent this to CAL today…
I’ve changed my mind.

We both just want this to be over with so we never have to deal with each other again.

I’m going to give you all your stuff back. I still would like you to pay me the money you owe me. But I’m not witholding your stuff until you do. Please be a standup woman and do the right thing and pay me the money you owe me in a timely manner. You know I have heavy financial burden right now. You also know that if you had paid me on time, every time, and not bounced three checks, that I would be better off financially, not to mention you’d still be here and we’d still have each other’s friendship. So I’m doing the right thing (just giving your stuff back) and I ask that you do as well (pay me the money you owe me). I would appreciate it when you pay me back, you would deposit it at Collins, just give them my name and they will be able to access the account, and then drop me an email to tell me you did it.

Why am I doing a 180 and just giving you your stuff back?

First of all, I spoke with a friend of mine last night, I was just at the end of my tether. And she pointed out that I was not acting as I should. Two wrongs don’t make a right, they’re just always going to be two wrongs, period. I’m trying to do the right thing, Turning The Other Cheek (Matt 5:38-40). I’m not perfect, and I never will be. But I’m just trying to do the right thing. Second of all, because I need this to be over, and I need to have peace. I’ve allowed your actions against me to eat me up inside and I’ve made myself physically sick and I’ve stewed and cried and agonized over why you would do this to me. But I’m not allowing that anymore. Because it really doesn’t matter why you treated me badly. What matters is that you did, and you’re not the friend I thought you were, and it’s not worth ruining my heart and health for. I do wish that I had never offered for you to move in, and that you had not taken me up on the offer. We might still be friends now. But I guess it just would have put off the inevitable. You would have eventually hurt me some other way because you don’t value my friendship. In the end, what little money I got from you was not worth the heartache and hassle you caused me. So it’s just stuff, it’s just money, and all I want is peace and for this to be over so I can move on. So you get your stuff back, and I get peace, and it’s over, and we never have to speak to each other again, so everybody’s happy.

I apologize for my emotional outburst and losing my temper on Sunday. I’m not making excuses, but I want to explain something and ask you to try to look at this a second from my perspective. I’m dozing in my recliner, and all of the sudden with no warning, you’re pounding on my back door, and not just you but Chris and a few people I don’t even know, intending to come into my house, making demands of me. Human nature is to jump on the defensive. And I did. I felt threatened. I wanted to hurt you as bad as you hurt me. But first of all, you don’t care about me so I can’t hurt you, so it’s futile to even try. And second of all, that’s the wrong thing for me to do. I’m sorry.

I also confess and apologize that I was plotting revenge on you. I was this >-< close to calling Sean and giving him dirt on you to use in his case in the divorce and/or giving him all your stuff since you're still married that would be legal for me to do that. But that would be wrong of me to do, and I didn't, and I won't. I would also like to offer to "buy" some of this stuff and take the amount off what you owe me. I'm going to make you what I think is a very fair offer for this stuff. TV, $75. DVD/VCR, $100. Stereo, $25. Playstation, $25. I looked up comparable items on eBay to see what you would get if you sold them on eBay, so I'm making a fair offer to you. Total that would be taken off what you owe me is $225 if my math is correct. When you reply, please let me know if 1 - you are available this weekend for us to agree upon a time for you to take your stuff away and 2 - if you want to "sell" me those above items. I ask that you return your key and any copies you might have made of it. I also ask that you please do not come to my house without calling first. Talk to you soon, Dory Numbers 6: 24-26 ---------------------------------------------------------------- This may not make a whole lot of sense to anyone at first, but I feel unbelievably better. I just don't have it in me to be this bitter and angry. Taking this course of action takes me from a helpless reactionary position to a proactive position. It's just money. It's just stuff. My peace of mind is much more important. I do not see any chance for our friendship to be restored. But I feel A LOT better. Current Music: None Current Mood: content