welcome back from your 3 day weekend – UGH

i had a pretty good holiday weekend. it could have been worse. it could’ve been raining.

went thru another 11 houses this weekend. a couple were mildly interesting, but nothing is speaking to me. well, that’s probably a good thing, right? bcus if houses were speaking to me i’d have a whole nother set of problems! *LOL* so I don’t have much news on the house quest. but maybe I won’t write about a house when I find it bcus i’ve jinxed myself a few times! *LMAO*

for whatever reason, saturday I woke up so depressed I couldn’t stand myself. I got up and tom called and asked me to take the boys so he could run some errands and he dropped them off and for some stupid reason when he was there I just started crying. not like bawling, but like when you’re trying not to cry and those tears are coming no matter what you do. he said, “c’mon – get a tshirt and jeans and come with me then. you need to not be alone.” sometimes when I’m depressed, I can almost handle it fine, but if tom’s around, I end up crying. I think it’s bcus he’s still the person that’s closest to me in a really odd way. i’ve been very distant and he can’t read me very well anymore, but when I’m depressed, he’s really the only person I lose it around. kinda like when something is really really bothering you but you have a good handle on the tears until someone says, “are you ok?” and then you lose it. only he doesn’t have to say anything, all he has to do is look at me, and here come the tears. sometimes that ticks me off bcus I kinda feel like he’s lost that priviledge to console me bcus he hurt me so bad. but on the other hand, I feel better after he’s held me and I’m done crying. it’s frustrating as hell.

saturday night I stayed at CAL’s parent’s house and had a slumber party with her and karen and rachel! what a blast!

yesterday CAL, karen, JDJ, Stepmomster, KRJ and I went shopping in williamsburg. it was a rousing success I think. my mission was to get a few matching bra/undies sets, and boy did I accomplish that mission. it’s so much more fun to shop for bras now that i’ve come down a cup size. I started at leggs/hanes/bali and walked away from there with 5 sets. they’re all absolutely adorable. at rue 21, I got 2 cute little v-neck tops in red and lavender, a tshirt that has a tootsie-roll pop on it and says “how many licks does it take?” *evil grin* and a pair of sweats that are small on top and big in the legs and they say “baby girl” down the side. I just HAD to get those bcus tom calls me that and even on a bad tom day when I could just kill him, if some guy called me that, i’d have to kick ‘im in the jimmy. *LOL* then we went to vanity fair and if I knew that everything was half off half off, I wouldn’t have bought so many undies at leggs/hanes! I got this pair of lee khakis for 5 bucks!!! and 3 more sets! 2 of them were tommy hilfiger sets that would’ve been $35 in von maur or younkers, but I got them for $11! Stepmomster gave me a much deserved guilt trip over spending the money. but what’s done is done. I ended up spending about $150 total and got a shitload of clothes for that; 3 shirts, 2 pants, and 8 sets. nothing like pretty matching undies to pull a girl outta a funk. works like a charm. :o)

today’s gone by pretty quick – thought the day would drag coming back from a 3 day weekend but my orders have gone really well today.

tonight I will have the boys all to myself while tom does a side job :o) oddly enough, I actually feel pretty good today in spite of my frustration with houses. I feel good. I feel strong.

that’s all my news for now…

Current Music: matchbox 20 – their first album
Current Mood: calm