stiiiiiiiiiiiill coughing *hacking* YUCK

Well, the bad news is… the offer I made was declined.
I don’t have good news.

I’m very very very disappointed… but I’m trying to be mature about this… it would feel good to throw a temper tantrum, but I think I’m showing remarkable restraint.

Her realtor said that there was someone yesterday who said they were going to make an offer, but they haven’t done that yet. Even if they make an offer of, let’s say, 100K, the bank still has to appraise it. and if it appraises for, let’s say, 90K, then the bank is not going to write a loan for 100K, bcus they have to protect their investment. and the buyer wouldn’t want to make up the difference bcus that would be an unwise investment. they have to sell it someday and it would take that much longer to build equity. so I’m thinking I can wait this out and still house hunt in the process. bcus if this other deal falls through, she’s gonna wish that she had accepted my offer. her realtor told Stepmomster that he would keep her updated if the other offer falls through. sooooo, I’m househunting again. open-housing on sunday. yippee. one good thing about this though is that i’ll have one more paycheck to sock away since I’m sure it’ll take at least another two weeks to find a house. gosh, this is depressing. yesterday I was looking at a possible move date of 06/20/2003 and now I’m back to square one. *sigh* As disappointed as I am, I have to trust that there is a plan, even though I don’t know what it is.

It’s kinda funny. me and tom’s radar is all off. he thinks I’m mad when I’m not, and misses it when I am; and I make the same misread on him too. hmmmm.

Where do I stand on staying or going at this point? I still don’t know. I know I do not want to go back at this point, but I cannot say for sure whether I will file for divorce or not. our next couple’s counseling is 05/20. at this point, I don’t know if my trust and respect in him can be restored. I think he broke it too good. but when I go over to his house to spend time with the boys, I don’t mind if he’s there as long as we don’t get into a deep discussion. which inevitably we do. *sigh*

I went to the doctor yesterday about this damn cough. she said she thought it was my asthma bcus I’m not carrying a temp. she said I should use my rescue inhaler every two hours until I get over the cough. I told her if I did that I was pretty sure I would just explode bcus the stuff makes me so jittery. she said “ok, every four hours then.” I said, “ok, but you gotta give me a rx for those really strong cough pills.” she said, “done.” who says you can’t negotiate with your doctor? :o) but oddly enough, she was rather inflexible on the “stop smoking” stance. *tongue in cheek*

I have too much to do tonight. Right after work, Rocky has an ice cream social at school. Then at 7, I’m helping CB and becky scrub cory’s new house so it’ll be squeaky clean when he moves in. ya know, that kinda cleaning that mostly only girls do that involves like, scrubbing corners and *gasp* places you can’t immediately see with a casual glance. then Tom would like to go to the bar and see joe on the open mic night. so i’ll put the boys to bed and stay there for a while so he can do that.

I’m going to this conference with CB’s church group on June 6-8. I told tom about it and made sure he was ok with having the boys the whole weekend, and he was, for which I was very grateful. he asked what kind of conference it was, and I told him I wasn’t sure, just that CB invited me. I didn’t want to tell him that it was a single’s conference bcus I didn’t want his head to explode. that would just be so messy. well, a few days later, I told him, “i have something to tell you, but I’m afraid your head will explode.” he said, “well, I can’t promise anything, but go ahead.” I said, “seriously, I really don’t want to cause your head to explode.” he said, “ok, I have a hand firmly affixed to each side of my head just in case.” I then told him it was a single’s conference. and his head didn’t explode. I told him I wasn’t going to meet guys; I was going for the spiritual teaching and to get outta town for a couple days. and he was ok with that. I don’t know why that is so important to me. we’re separated, so I feel like I shouldn’t care. but I don’t want to hurt him. I do care. actually, considering the circumstances, I could be a mean, nasty bitch. but I’m not.

Going out to lunch shortly with some co-workers for the chinese buffet at Pei’s… yummmmmmmmm!

Let’s see… what else is new? … … I got nothin. :o)


Current Music: Dixie Chicks – Landslide… this is my life song now :o)
Current Mood: cheerful