IM (obviously) from 05/01/2003

—- New Conversation [Thu, 2:27 pm] —-
Dory says: help me understand.
MW says: if I can
Dory says: is anyone shoulder surfing now?
MW says: not that I am aware
Dory says: the last time this happened, it was my understanding that I was not to contact you at all. then later you said, “you evaporated” and I said “you told me to!” and you said “how?” then I was confused. So, my understanding is that I am not to contact you at all. Am I correct?
MW says: brb
MW says: So I;m coming back from the airport and I realize
that it’s only 12:30 so I says to myself, “self, you can play cards today,” which is a wonderful thing because I like to play cards. So then I says to myself, “self, will that screw up you or Dory?” And I’m not sure what to do or what to say. And then I think. One day, I will run into Dory and want to say hi and I’d rather have that sooner than later, but she needs her space, but I’m stressed to death. And I decide, to myself, that I need to go play cards. If Dory is there, I will say hi. “Hi”. If she isn’t, I’ll just play cards. Cause I need a break and I can’t keep thinking about everything at
work. So I went to the Cafe and saw you and played cards.
MW says: There. That’s much clearer.
Dory says: I thought this was about YOU needing YOUR space to figure out you and b.
MW says: Does this mean I shouldn’t play cards tomorrow?
Dory says: no
MW says: I have to be alive. I will run into you. I need to supress anything that resembles affection for you. I need to figure out where B and I stand. I need to relax at times. I need friends. I need
MW says: not to hurt you
MW says: often, I’m too much for myself. I don’t want to be too much for you.
Dory says: what I need to know is, am I not to contact you?
Dory says: I need to know the rules.
MW says: that’s fair.
Dory says: are you still thinking about the answer?
MW says: yes
MW says: And reviewing some work
Dory says: k
Dory says: take your time
MW says: I think I need to say no. Its not fair to you to leave an “opening” while I try to figure things out. But I want to say yes, because I love to hear what you have to say. But if I say yes, it sets us up in the same spiral we have been in over the last 3 months. But if I say no, I fear I will never get to talk to you again. And you have the Faygo.
Dory says: ;oj
Dory says: ok, but can you also see that it is not fair that I am not to contact you, but it’s ok for you to contact me?
Dory says: and I can allow joint custody of the Faygo.
MW says: It is absolutely unfair. You are absolutely correct. I am a guy. I am rarely fair. I like Faygo. Especially Rock and Rye.
Dory says: ok, but don’t say later, “you evaporated” like it was a big surprise to you. I hate this. This is not what I want. And Faygo is the best soda in the universe. Especially Rock N Rye.
MW says: What do you want? I’m not sure.
MW says: other than Rocka nd Rye.
MW says: which I’m hoping you’ll share
Dory says: I want you to be happy. I want to see your smile.
Dory says: I’m a good share-er
MW says: yeah? Well I want you to be happy. ) (that’s a
smile). But what do youwnat for you>

Dory says: I want to be happy. this ain’t it. but from what you’ve said, no contact is necessary for you to figure things out. so I will have to be unhappy. but only in this particular area in my life. I have other areas to find happiness in.
MW says: Yeah. And they probably invlolve Faygo, and you have all of it
Dory says: 😛
Dory says: so… do you want NO contact from me unless you
initiate it?
MW says: I think that would be best for both of us. Why? What did you have in mind?
Dory says: *shrugs* just clarifying the rules. and the biggest problem I’m having with this situation is feeling rejected by you.
MW says: hmm
MW says: My biggest problem is I don’t want to reject you. You are wonderful, and special, and comfortable, and you like Rock and Rye, and funny, and pretty, and silly, and thoughtful, and
MW says: my friend
MW says: And we are stuck in odd timing
Dory says: hmm
MW says: So through Sunday I’m in town, and on sunday night B returns. Do I spend time with you and feel like I’m misleading you until then? Am I misleading myself every time we are together (probably, b/c you are not even ready for a relationship beyond Tom yet). And you need to know how wonderful oyu are. Can I just tell you? Is that enough? I’m terrible with rules; making them and following them.
MW says: And you are my friend.
Dory says: hmm
MW says: BTW. I’m probably going to leave soon. I just need to get away from this place before I lose my mind.
MW says: or any more of it
MW says: probably more accurate
Dory says: I don’t know, MW, this sucks. I am most assuredly not happy.
MW says: but I smiled at you
Dory says: yes you did
Dory says: *thinking*
Dory says: I don’t know.
MW says: Do you want to see me?
Dory says: yes.
MW says: wont that mess us up again again?
Dory says: *deep sigh*
MW says: PS – I like seeing oyu
Dory says: I don’t think it will mess up me. I guess it would mess up you.
MW says: It won’t mess you up to see you all weekend and then turnyou off on Sunday?
Dory says: I don’t think I could see you all weekend anyway. I have plans all over it. *rolls eyes*
MW says: I understand
MW says: Being a social butterfly, I’m surprised you’ve talked to me at all. 🙂
Dory says: 😛
Dory says: what’s that mean???
MW says: thank you for the time you’ve shared with me
MW says: I love every moment
MW says: I appreciate you bending your schedule to make room for me
Dory says: it would probably mess you up if we went for dinner saturday night.
MW says: I am honored that you would spend any time with me
MW says: like, went to dinner where
Dory says: *shrugs*
MW says: I’ve never heard of them
MW says: do they hav good food?
Dory says: *snert*
Dory says: walk out with me tonight?
MW says: gonna fly soon. call me when you leave?
Dory says: at 5:01
MW says: sure
Dory says: tonight I have to run back to my dad’s and grab my camera, then I have to be at grant school on the SW side by 6:45
Dory says: that is what I have to work around
MW says: I have to get home and fix dinner fo rthe kids, Pick up Nick at 6:30, and go on a date with Donna at 7
Dory says: ok so we’re just walking out together 🙂
MW says: but I should be around by 9:45ish
Dory says: hmmmm
MW says: you ready to leave now?
Dory says: I can’t… twyla’s here.
MW says: call me at 5?
Dory says: k
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